My First Major Life Lesson

I still find it hard saying these words and believing them: My mom is fighting cancer.

It seems surreal saying that. CANCER. I don't think it has completly sunk in...and I don't know if it ever will.

She was diagnosed way back in October...and although it has been almost 6 months of recovery, there are plenty more months to look ahead. My mom had a major surgery a week ago, and my spring break luckily happened to fall on the day she came home. Seeing her this week has made me decide that my mom truly is the strongest woman I know- and I know your all saying to yourselves that this is the cliche story of the parent who fights through cancer- But honestly, she is my role model because she never seeks out the negative. Only the positive. She keeps her head held high, even on those bad days.

At not even a 100 pounds, my mom is frail and weak. She struggles to get out of bed and sit up. Her diet is mainly liguid or soft foods. I never have even seen my mother with the cold or flu ....so this horrifies me.

  And the hardest thing of all, is my mom HATES asking for help. All my mothers' life, she has never been taken care of.She is SELFLESS.  SHE is the caregiver. So for her, she is mortified to even ask for help- even though everyone would gladly love the opportunity to. My mom is pushing herself so much as to maintain her dignity, and I only wish she will learn that many people love her and it is OKAY to have help.

So i'm going back to school in 3 days. And I won't be able see my mother until the end of May. 2 months. And I don't think I can handle it. I just want to be with her, helping her. And going to school and having fun in my own different reality, I feel guilty because everyone back home is stuck with the gloom that surrounds the "C" word. 

My mother hates the fact that I worry. She tells me she knows I love her, and she just wants me to keep living my life. But I can't. I miss her. The woman who was there for me, who tied my shoes, who packed my lunches, who always sacrificed her happiness for mine is suffering. And I can't even be with her. I know me being with her can't change the outcome. But I still can't see the fairness in this whole situation. But life isn't fair, is it?

I have amazing friends and family who are all helping me through this. And it hurts to know that as much as this is hurting me, I couldnt even begin to imagine the pain and fear my mother is experiencing.

I love my mom. and from this experience I have learned to never take someone for granted. Never stop forgetting and appreciating those who surround you. Because you never realize what you truly have, or realize how lucky you truly are, until those loved ones of yours can be taken away from you. 

I also want to leave you with this: the true value in life is not measured by things but by the people who are in it. My mother has told me that she hadn't realized how much of an impact she has made on her friends, family, and community until her illness. She never felt more loved and appreciated. Our house is filled with flowers and cards, our fridge filled with meals prepared my family and friends. Visitors are constantly checking in, making sure their dearest mother, daughter, cousin, sister, and friend is merely smiling. Because my mom has a smile that can light up ANY room. Her love radiates to everyone she meets- a quality I admire so dearly.

So LIFE LESSON #1: Never wait until something bad happens to appreciate things. Everyday, analyze everything you have and enjoy it. And on those bad days when those little things start to dissapoint you, remember things could be worse. MUCH worse.